Wanna see me get mad?

[rootofnewt]

If you're a friend of mine and you use the word "gay" as a synonym for stupid, wrong, lame, etc, please understand that *every single time you do this*, it cuts me. And when I say kids die because of word choice like that, I mean it. When you say something like math homework is so gay, you demean human beings. How would you like it if your gender, race, or religion were a synonym for stupid, dull, and lame? Sure, the witty part of my brain rejoinders Math must be pretty damn cool then, but that's only because I'm an adult with a reasonably well developed sense of identity and self-worth. I also happen to like math, but that's not important here.

When you keep using gay like that, people start to believe it. The gay kid sitting next to you believes it. The kids around you who might or might not be gay believe it. The belief that gay people are somehow abnormal persists and it can lead to pain, violence, and death.

Some stats show that 30% of all teen suicides are LGBT youth. LGBT teens are two to six times more likely to commit suicide than their non-LGBT peers. There are many reasons, but the near constant barrage of homophobic comments that so many people toss off without thinking contributes to the decay of self-worth (it also contributes to violence perpetrated against LGBT folk) and the isolation many gay people experience.

So when I say that using words like fag and gay as pejorative terms kills kids, I mean it. And I hold anyone who uses them responsible for the pain, violence, and death those words inflict whether directly or indirectly.

Comments

[drcuriosity]

*hug*
Thanks for voicing that. While non-LGBT, it's something that I get angry with too. It's not "harmless" at all.

[dreamsneak.livejournal.com]

completely agreed.
people don't understand the power that their language has. my sister's boyfriend doesn't understand and i don't think a lot of my family understands why his ignorance bothers me.

i remember walking down the hall in high school and hearing that kind of stuff said all the time. i would call my friends on it a lot, but i don't know if i really did that with many people. a lot of kids knew not to say things like that around me, but they didn't really understand why. and then i went to that horrible christian college and kids there said it constantly, but i was so afraid of being outed (when i refused to be out to myself anymore) that i kept my mouth shut. needless to say, i don't do that anymore.

all of this rambling to say: amen, sistah!

odd that dreamsneak should refer to your journal entry

[divest.livejournal.com]

someone said that to me today in my arts in humanities class.

"thats so gay"

I wanted to cry.

i said to her, whats wrong with being gay?

she said, everything.

I wanted to punch her, instead I told her.

"-I'm-gay"

and she didn't say anything, but she turned pale.

I have to sit at a group table with her the rest of the semester.
I have to do projects with her.
I have to interact with her outside of class.

And now I'm terrified to even act like myself.

I need to write a letter to my professor.

maybe your project partner will think before speaking the next time... maybe.

[krasota.livejournal.com]

Act like yourself. I'd also write a letter to your professor and explain that you're willing to work with someone who is so homophobic (if you are, if you're not--don't lie), but you're not certain either of you would put forth your best effort. The professor should at least know that there is some sort of issue there. Zie may tell you to deal or to work it out between yourselves, but if you don't mention it, that's what you'll be doing anyway.

Good luck. And heck--it could be worse. You could be related to her.

Re: maybe your project partner will think before speaking the next time... maybe.

[divest.livejournal.com]

I thought alot about this issue today and I decided that since I told her I was gay that maybe she will be less idiotic.

if she continues to be idiotic than she is creating a hostile envrionment and THEN I will address the issue with both her AND my professor.

and unfortunatly I AM related to people like this...

hince the reason my family are the only ones who do not know anything about my sexuality choices.

but thats what I get for being born and raised in rual arkansas.

[dahliablue.livejournal.com]

I completely agree. I cringe whenever I hear or read that. It sickens and angers me.
.

[sabethea.livejournal.com]

thank you for writing this. i'm fortunate that none of my friends seem to use these terms, and i would most *definitely* tell them what i thought if i did.

[risabe.livejournal.com]

I got onto one of my students for using that term the other day.

I want to start a Gay/Straight student alliance at the school but I know it would never leave the ground.

[bbick.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that you wrote this. It's so hard to explain to people why something so seemingly innocuous can be so harmful. The good thing is, I generally find that once you explain it to someone who is already fairly intelligent and open-minded, they understand.

It's just like saying something is retarded or lame. I never would have thought of "lame" is a disparaging remark toward others, but when someone finally pointed it out to me, I realized it.

It is so sad that "gay" gets tossed around so much with negative connotations...especially among high schoolers. Just hearing that once or twice can make a kid SO ASHAMED of who they are. It's important that everyone speak up every time they hear it.

[caberfling.livejournal.com]

Wow. I never thought about "lame" either until just now. And "retarded" has always gotten me worked up. Krasota's entry was so good, but I'm glad you brought up "lame."

[alierakieron.livejournal.com]

BOO
YA.

nuff said.

altho i might asked what triggered the rant...

[moominmuppet.livejournal.com]

Do you mind if I link to this?

Go for it!

[krasota.livejournal.com]

Not at all. :)

[ex-carnaval-619.livejournal.com]

Although I tottally understand and completely agree, I for one do not use the term "gay" in the unappropriate manner that most 17 yr. olds running amuck at the local malls do, I still wonder, wasn't "gay" the term people used back in the day to mean "cheery, happy"? heh..."that's so gay!" "yes, it's very happy!"
*shrug* ;)

[sophy.livejournal.com]

*applause*

I'd like to link to this, too. I hate when people use words in that way and then roll their eyes and mutter something about PC BS when I try and correct them.
Words can hurt, and you're right, even kill.

[krasota.livejournal.com]

Anything I write that isn't friends-locked is fair game. Go on ahead. :)

[doggess.livejournal.com]

right on.

[griffen.livejournal.com]

A) Wonderful post. Very pointed. I applaud you.

B) May I add you to my friends list? I found you through moominmuppet.

[krasota.livejournal.com]

Thanks. And yes, you may.

[tannhaus.livejournal.com]

First off...the original discussion:

You said you needed company....you can come by and eat my food...do your nails..whatever..just provide company. I replied it wouldn't be cost efficient to come way out there to eat your food..and i would sit around and paint my nails...but that would just be gay.

Using gay with that meaning....doing something usually associated with the opposite sex...is NOT the grievous insult you would put it off as. Also, I say since the comment came from a bisexual that I deserve even more leeway.

Third, you know my brother committed suicide because of my parents' refusal to accept his homosexuality. To sit there and accuse me of being responsible for the deaths of everyone that has killed themselves due to difficulties with society seeing them as gay...that is beyond heinous. You have blamed me for my brother's death.

So, you can keep your political correctness. I spent 6 hours with my brother's body alone before the police came. Your tapping into those feelings and blaming me for that....the very fact you could do that proves we never had a friendship.

[krasota.livejournal.com]

You just don't get it. That saddens me, but hey.

And no, I didn't know about your brother. I'm sorry you lost him and I'm sorry your parents never accepted him.

[tannhaus.livejournal.com]

Oh, I DO get it. You don't. You skewed what was said...didn't even repeat what was said...because then you couldn't crawl up on your soapbox. You should have asked them how many of them would pat you on your back when they knew you blamed someone for a family member's suicide. I spoke to one person that posted in here...told them what was said and they didn't see it as a big deal.

Yet you....there aren't words to describe a person like you. You're a cold heartless bitch. You knew about my brother committing suicide. Most people I talk to do. That was a major reason I moved to New Orleans. Then you sit there, blame *ME* for his death and want to act all politically correct and compassionate.

No, I used a word...not to mean wrong...not to mean "lame" as you put it...which is incidentally someone who can't walk. Funny how that term is fine in your book. I guess it's not politically correct enough of a cause to champion. I used the word gay to mean doing something normally associated with the opposite sex. For that you blamed me for my brother's suicide and every other gay's suicide.

So, pat yourself on the back all you want. You disgust me. This is the last you will ever hear from me.

[bbick.livejournal.com]

I just can't believe a person who lost a gay brother to suicide would use the term "gay" in such a manner as you did and not think twice about it. krasota is totally right.

And I don't know what leeway you think you deserve as a bisexual person, but I'm gay, and I'm telling you I found your remark offensive. And I find it even more offensive that you would call a friend of mine who is trying to educate the world and make it a better place a cold heartless bitch.

[laverick.livejournal.com]

You are very correct about the power of words. It's really upsetting when I hear painful words thrown about like that. My dad's been throwing around certain words that he knows I don't like but I don't know if he knows just how much it affects--make me cringe and sick to my stomach. Speaking up against it is a very important thing. People need to be reminded and educated.

[dandelion-diva.livejournal.com]

*applause*

That was *so* well said. And I thank you very much for saying it.

Gessi

[gigglinggorgon.livejournal.com]

my students call things that don't work right are seem lame to them 'jewish'. All such terms piss me off beyond comprehneion, but no matter how often I explain it, how many examples I give, they just don't get it. It infuriates me.

[krasota.livejournal.com]

I grew up in an area where there were no Roman Catholics, much less Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, etc.

One day, a friend of mine who had never even *met*, *thought about*, or *seen* a Jew said that "Jews are evil and cause all the trouble in the world." I have no idea what prompted this. We weren't even discussing religion.

We were sixteen. My jaw dropped and stayed on the floor for a minute until I pointed out that, Jesus was, in fact, Jewish. She was so pissed off that she went home. Her mom called MY mom awhile later to complain that I was being un-Christian again. My mother asked what prompted this and I told her. She called the other girl's mother back and said that if being un-judgmental and thinking for oneself was un-Christian, she didn't want to be one, nor did she want me to be one. Then she pointed out that I was right--Jesus *was* Jewish.