Public Service Announcement

[rootofnewt]

Folks, when entering into a relationship, be it love, business, or any type of personal thing, don't assume anything.

Do not assume the relationship is exclusive.
Do not assume that it is not.
Do not assume that the other party/parties in the relationship know what you're thinking.
Don't assume that they're thinking what you're thinking.
Don't assume that anything is the default--monogamy, polyamory, business discounts, wholesale price, whatever.
Don't assume that out of sight = out of mind. Don't assume that it does not.
In short--quit making assumtptions.

Talk. Communicate. Lay it all out. Express what you feel and don't draw your own conclusions because unless you actually share a brain with the other folks involved, you do not have all the information. Lay out as many guidelines as possible before you share money or resources or feelings or bodily fluids with other people. Be flexible. BUT KEEP TALKING.

For those of you who haven't seen it and are experiencing trouble along these lines not related to business transactions, please refer to the this.

And one more thing--don't assume I have no idea what I'm talking about. Trust me. We all make mistakes. Just do the smart thing and LEARN from them, okay?

Comments

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

You are wise in the ways of the world.

On a personal note, many lovely things are happening in my life right now. I consider them the consequences of learning from my mistakes. *My* mistakes meaning the stupid stuff I'm responsible for. Me and me alone.

[hellsop.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[krasota.livejournal.com]

I'm glad lovely things are happening in your life. I was kind less than lucid last night, but did I read that T is home? YAY! And soon, things will be even cozier, right? :) Happiness is good.

[eilonwy.livejournal.com]

O wise Krasota, where was this post about, oh, I dunno, a little less than 2 months ago? :)

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Yes, T is home and by tomorrow evening all will be wonderful in My World :). And I shall have sumahk. Thank you :).

[sheilamarie.livejournal.com]

Greg and I have even discussed how we'd handle things if we were to divorce; nothing is taboo with us. We've got 10 years together and it doesn't seem that long at all! I'm thinking that perhaps it's because neither of us play that stupid guessing game that gets a lot of people into trouble.

Always good to be reminded of it every so often though, complacency is another killer of good relationships...

A public service, indeed

[javafiend.livejournal.com]

Communication is definately imperitive. Also, though, is knowing yourself. I've slipped up more than once, making misattributions about what I can and can't tolerate, or how I'll react to things.

Thank you for this entry. I'm glad you wrote it.

[alierakieron.livejournal.com]

Boo. Ya. It never fails to amaze me that people DO seem to treat relationships like service contracts - some initial ground rules are laid (Usually not enough) and then people proceed to act as if that will never, ever, change, need fine tuning, tweaking, slappping about, etc...

[lady-midnite.livejournal.com]

Wow. I'm so glad that you posted this. I think so many people take our relationships for granted, and do stop talking to one another about what is needed/wanted/expected. I really also liked the link you included, I'd been curious about it, but really didnt know where to go to ask questions about it, and you answered all of them. Youre always so in tune with most of us and the events going on in our lives. Thanks so much for this today!

[sophy.livejournal.com]

One thing that I think makes poly groovy is that it does sort of force people to communication, because there isn't much in the way of defaults. Not that there aren't false assumptions made in poly relationships all the time, too, just that it's a lot easier to make them in mono ones, imo. We have set ideas in our little heads of how mono relationships are supposed to be and they aren't always the same ideas as the other person has, but we think they should be. I've found that when poly people get together, they make a point of laying all that stuff out ahead of time. Of course, this is not always the case. Just the majority of my own personal observations.

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

Thank. You.

[silent-muse.livejournal.com]

*bows down before the almighty who not only knows all but has the balls to say it too*

A
FUCKING
MEN!

[ex-carnaval-619.livejournal.com]

See, this is just another shining example as to why I love and respect you so much...I know, that I, myself, have made a lot of mistakes in relationships, past & present, and have even thought at times of myself being polyamourous, even typed up a post about it sans the "poly" word, you get my drift. I think the key to any good relationship(s) is maturity and willingness to except your own faults as well as your other love(s) and of course, good communication. Assumptions, hypocrisy, and jealousy tend to make good things turn sour. I've had to give myself a few good swift kicks in the ass at times to stay focused and make an effort in times when I didn't want to. I *know* you know about what you type and your opinions and advice matter much to me. Thank you for this post and for always just being you.

[jaikob.livejournal.com]

I hope that wasn't in response to my latest series of entries...

Whether it is or not, I appreciate it. I do need to calm down and the occassional, "Dude, calm down" really helps.

[lupa.livejournal.com]

*sadsigh*
you're totally riught, and i love you for promoting it - but communication doesn't mean a damn thing if the other party isn't listening. it won't even give you the high road. :/

[briskpepper.livejournal.com]

*whew*... i thought i was gonna have to say it.


well put.

[seeliespright.livejournal.com]

Communication is a lot like the wind when I speak. It's like no one understands and i'm left with empty hands, forever.
-Good Charlotte

I dunno, those lyrics came into my head after reading your entry.

I believe trust is the most important thing in any relationship, especially romantic ones. And central to and required for trust is COMMUNICATION. Wow, who'da thunk?

Sometimes tho, I feel the way Good Charlotte says, that no matter how much I communicate or that I get out of my partner, there is so much that he won't tell me. And it ends up hurting me later...

[lady-lion.livejournal.com]

Well said!

[krasota.livejournal.com]

No, actually, it wasn't.

I think that "hold the drama" should be written down on any gay guy's calendar at least once a month. ;)

Actually, I think that would be a good idea for anyone, but most definitely anyone under the age of 30, doubly so for those under 25, and duodecahedrally so for those under the age of 20.

Yep.

[risabe.livejournal.com]

Very nicely said. I read it to my husband. We both applaud you. We're entering our 18th year as a couple, our 15th year as married folks, and our 12th year as parents. Whew! And everything you said is true.

love you.

[jaikob.livejournal.com]

*Duodecahedrally writes it on his calendar*