sometimes, it hits hard.

[rootofnewt]

I have been in pain every single day for over seven years now. It's gotten to the point where I honestly don't really know if I have more bad days than good. I'm always in chronic muscular pain, so that doesn't really factor into my good/bad day determination. Today, I have a nasty headache and my back is killing me. It's this additional pain that can sometimes tip the scale. The pain that shoots up my neck into my head can be excruciating and looking at the laptop doesn't help. The thing is, I'm not bitter or angry or sad or depressed. I just am. This is how life is. I hurt. I sometimes fall down in a sudden drop attack. Those are just things that happen. I'm exceedingly happy when I look over at my snoozing dog. I feel loved and love in turn when I see my husband.

And I suddenly shocked at how I can be in so much pain that it hurts to breathe, yet I consider this a good day.

Comments

[onceupon.livejournal.com]

Oh, love.

*hug*

[xiane.livejournal.com]

You have a perspective that few of us can attain. I just wish it hadn't been gained at such a price.

Love you.

[heido.livejournal.com]

*nods* yep

[firinel.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry. *very gentle hugs*

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

I sympathize, I understand and I send you pain killing vibes.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

I wish there was something I could do.

*hugs*

[queensheba.livejournal.com]

I was thinking about this today when I had this headache. I was thinking wow, if this annoys me THIS much, how the hell would I feel if I was REALLY sick? I am so lucky to generally feel free of aches and pains almost all of the time.

[anisoptera.livejournal.com]

Hubby love and doggy love can help a lot. I'm glad you have both.

[ismene.livejournal.com]

...yeah.

I don't think you realize what an incredible person you are to be so sick and yet not be bitter or depressed.

[jenx.livejournal.com]

There's a book out there I need to pick up - "Pain - The Gift No One Wants". I want to be in your space, where the pain has a null emotional value.

[lightning-rose.livejournal.com]

Virtual *hugs*, so I don't even compress the air around you.

[achanchinou.livejournal.com]

I have often wondered similar things. At first, I was grumpy, annoying, whiny and bitter. Now I've just sorta settled into acceptance, even though I often still mention it. It's just another fact. I can have a perfectly awesome day, but be in so much pain I can't stand up and getting out of bed is near impossible.

And yet it's just there, and almost never has any emotional value.

How is it that we reach this point?

[dizzyblind.livejournal.com]

Sorry. I know somewhat how you feel, not to quite the same degree. It's frustrating but what can you do? It is the only life you get and it is yours so you make the best of it.

[glove-puppet.livejournal.com]

Ditto.

[deborahs-corner.livejournal.com]

I loved reading this. I have a wonderful Priest friend who used to tell me that pain...which I suffer with...is a gift...what you do with it is up to you...I see so many that fight, get angry...making the pain worse and life worse and making others not want to be around them. My sister often asks me how I deal with it...and I told her I just do..my choice to find the joy that is there inspite of the pain. My Mama is one that is angry..all the time..and thinks one pill should make it go away...totally. and gets even more angry if it doesn't.
Sending prayers your way.
huggers

[never1eighty.livejournal.com]

On days like today where I hurt so much and am so thorougly miserable, reading this is enlightening. My goal is to be somewhere in that frame of mind.

*gentle hugs*

[seeliespright.livejournal.com]

This is how life is. I hurt.

My mom has asked me, now and then, if I don't get angry about my illnesses, the pain they cause and the limitations upon my life they impose and if I blame divinity or other things. I told her, "No, I don't because I've never known anything else." While she had a full and active life before, I have always been limited so never had to deal with the change or loss at the onset of illness.

I don't know how I feel about this. I don't think I have any feeling at all. As you said, it just is.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate them and can share in these.

[achanchinou.livejournal.com]

Re; Your reply; ditto, right down to the branchy leafyness.