for explodingcat

[rootofnewt]

Dear slugmuffin,
I'm so very sorry, but the gigantic moderately-sized long-legged jumping monster of d00m cricket that lives under the couch has not been removed. I attempted to catch it, despite it's spidery appearance, but it kept jumping, trying to bite my nose, no doubt. So I left it. And now, I'm going to bed, three hours later than I intended, out of shame for not being able to catch a simple insect.
Love,
pooky