I've got a rusty spork and I don't what I'll do . . .

If one more friend gives my PERSONAL email addy to evite, I will feed them to a volcano.

how many times do I have to say DON'T GIVE MY PERSONAL EMAIL TO ANYONE OR ANYTHING OR ANYBODY?

Review time

Ikea's Groggy ice crusher.

Hand-cranked, looks all space alien egg-like.

Makes great ice, in either small bits or larger small bits.

HURTS LIKE HELL TO USE.

I'm going to ice my wrists, arms, and shoulders now.

I feel bad returning a used item, but they do have a satisfaction guaranteed policy. This thing is *not* usable by anyone with active nerve endings. Ow. Ow Ow Ow.

I still feel bad returning it, even if I can't use it. Maybe I'll freecycle it.

OFFER: ikea hand-cranked ice crusher
Caveat emptor: this ice crusher will crush your soul and make you cry like a little baby. Baby Jesus does not endorse this ice crusher. This ice crusher is obviously meant as some sort of misguided revenge for a centuries old dispute. Probably meant for the Russian market, not the US market.

Yeah, that sounds about right.