Blatherings of Boredom

Such a nice moment.

While I have no problem with public nursing I still feel that there are places that it is inappropriate. Out on the open trail is a location that I would not give a second thought about.

I only mention this because I was a guest at a $200 a plate formal dress dinner a few nights ago where a lady seated at a table next to ours was nursing while wearing a gown that required she be nude from the waist up. The general consensus was that she should have been much more discreet.

Any thoughts on when or where public nursing is not appropriate?

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If the mother and child are allowed in the spot, I feel nursing should be allowed, period. Some states specifically exclude BF from indecency/public exposure laws. No matter how indiscreet I may be in Virginia, I'm not indecently exposed.

Not all children will nurse with a cover, so that's not an enforceable thing. And it's *very* hard to nurse in any formal dress unless it *is* pretty much strapless and unzipped/removed partway. If she's comfortable, nobody else should blink an eye. And I know you weren't gonna suggest she find a bathroom to do that in, because I'm sure nobody else took their $200 plate to the bathroom. ;)

Was this in Maryland? I hope nobody said anything to her, as Maryland has quite favorable BF laws. I don't know if there's an enforcement provision, but I believe it's illegal to interfere with/prohibit breastfeeding in any public/private location in Maryland.

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Was this in Maryland? I hope nobody said anything to her, as Maryland has quite favorable BF laws.

Yes this event was in Maryland. I know at least one event organizer did speak with her before she started nursing. I do not know what was said, but it was right after the other woman was asked to take her crying infant out of the hall (see below). The legal issue was brought up and in general what you said is correct, but not for all private events or venues. Hosts are allowed to ask a guest to leave the area if it has a detrimental impact on the proceeding. Of course this is very open to interpretation.

The three ladies I was with and myself were more interested in why the woman thought that it was an appropriate place to bring her infant.

Should mothers think about how the people around them are going to react to them nursing at that place and time?

This is more what I was intending to ask. This is more like what we discussed that night and over the weekend. Personally I feel that anywhere that a crying infant would be a major distraction to the event or proceedings it might not be appropriate for breast feeding if it is done in a indiscreet manner. Venues like formal dinners, restaurants, airports, concerts, lectures, public hearings, etc come to mind. It is a matter of balancing the rights of the mother vs. the rights of the others to conduct business. Not an easy line to draw at times.

And I know you weren't gonna suggest she find a bathroom to do that in, because I'm sure nobody else took their $200 plate to the bathroom. ;)
Personally I did not suggest this, but others at the table did. It was also pointed out that the ladies room at this venue was not just a bathroom, but a ladies lounge with an outer area of couches, chairs and vanities. Not that it should make any difference.

Longer version of the event that is intended as part of an LJ post later in the week when I have the time to finish it:

Out of 300 or so guests (about 70% women) two women brought infants. Now Cindy commented that the event information that came with the invitation requested that guests be at least 13 years old. One of the ladies was asked to take her infant out of the main hall because of the noise it was making. The second lady was a bit more controversial she was breast feeding during the meal and the awards presentation.

The second lady with an infant was seated one table over from ours. She was wearing a dress that was not good for what I would call stealth nursing. It required that she basically be nude from the waist up. A backless, bra less, gown that was only held up by a single strap around the neck that when undone let the whole upper half fell to waist level. The nursing was a bit distracting to those near her and did not seem appropriate in a formal setting. It did get a lot of stares and a few complaints from the blue haired older ladies. At one point during the awards presentations the lady was singled out for recognition and a spot light was trained on her while nursing. That got a lot of "Oh My Gods", "how could she", "what was she thinking?", "she should not have brought her baby here" from all over the room. At that point she rehooked the top portion of her dress and left the room with the baby for about 20 minutes or so.

Of the eight people at our table, 6 women and 2 men, we all felt that she should not have been nursing in that environment. Yet none of us felt it was appropriate for us to say anything to her. The general consensus was that if it had been impossible to get a sitter and leave milk for feeding she should have worn a dress or top and skirt/pant combo that was better suited for nursing in a more subdued manner. As she had not done the above she should have at least gone to the ladies room or one of the lobbies rather than at a table in a hall of 300 people. One of the older ladies (70) at our table was anti any public breast feeding. The rest of us were more tolerant. Personally I felt more that the event was not a place to have "babies in arms" rather than being offended at the public nursing.

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sajego.livejournal.com

You said she was recognized for something, maybe the organizers insisted she be there, despite her being there on her terms.

It almost sounds like they planned it that way... unless the announcer / spotlight operator was surprised when they focused on her.

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According to traditional etiquette, babes-in-arms/nurslings are exempt from the "no kids" thing. If the mother is invited and she has an infant, the assumption is that she cannot be away from the infant. Pumps aside, wet nurses just aren't at everyone's disposal these days.

And yes, if the child makes noise, it's appropriate to go elsewhere.

I probably wouldn't go to an event where I felt my child and I weren't welcome. That's just my comfort level. Ronan will often sit through a dinner happily, sometimes he will not. And I don't get through a meal without nursing him--I have no issues with that.

I frankly think the blue-haired ladies were more out of line for making a stink. It's rude to stare.

Nursing shouldn't be distracting because nobody should be giving it a second thought. Breastfeeding should be the *norm*, which is one reason why folks are pushing so hard to get laws passed that provide protecting for breastfeeding mothers in public.

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The announcer and spotlight operator were both surprised. The light was not on her long at all maybe 5 or 6 seconds.

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I fully understand your position and agree that the little old blue hairs were the worst behaved people in the room.

At least the nursing mother was wearing a gown. The invitations clearly stated formal dress and other people there showed up in jeans and tees, but that is a totally other issue.

Thanks for your feedback on this.

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I've seen two formalish black dresses that were nurse friendly. One was an actual black floor length gown with nursing slits on the sides, the other was a Vneck/wrap style gown.

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Is that an actual nursing top or is it just pulled up discreetly?

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it's actually a maternity tee (long sleeve) from motherhood. I bought all my shirts snug there--just enough to accomodate my boobs. So they still fit snug. ;)

Most maternity clothing doesn't work so hot for the super-endowed. Slits are in the wrong place, shirts don't fit, too hot, too cumbersome.

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Yes, but this assumes the nursing mother in question could wear such a dress. I've yet to see a nursing dress that would work for me. And while I will wear a wrap style right now in order to nurse, it's *HORRIBLY* unflattering. I wouldn't wear a formal style wrap gown, I'd feel utterly repulsive.

Nursing slits often don't work beyond a very narrow range of boob/body types.

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Oh, and come winter, I'll bring the bella band back out. It's just now getting cool enough again, but that way I won't have skin exposed to the air.

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Yes I've sent the "how to make your own damn maternity shirts" to my MIL.

Hopefully she can help.

My breasts are out of control.

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The V clevage/wrap dress I have will work for nursing. It's not formal, but it will work for just about anything up to formal. It's got enough give to hold in the K cups...

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