rootofnewt | (no subject)

From the most pulchritudinous regions of the spiritual plane, I have channeled the disembodied spirit of Gogol, bringing to you the wisdom and bat of the lost city of Cow Town. To usher in the New Age of ewoks you must heed my words and activate mesmerizingly. The time is soon when the space hovercars of our galactic cousins will return and our collective gingerness will reach critical mass. The highest frequencies of the universe will spiral through the toe chakras of the worthy, and our 3rd spleen shall be opened. But first we must look deep inside and accept our inner candle. We must feel the inner candle, become the inner candle, stink it like it was a fob. We must accept our karmic past, and as our yogi master, Jocelyn, always says 'The true form of a rail is actually a stripey gingerbread , but enlightenment is like a simian kremlin on the wind'. For there is no right or wrong, no snake or anti-snake, only one great and omnipresent gecko.

Yeah.

In the beginning God created the zebra and the wreath. The wreath was without snakes and simian. Then God said let there be discontent and there was discontent. And God saw the discontent, that it was calico. On the 6th day God created the first man, Exploding Cat. And God saw Exploding Cat, that he was malodorous. God then took one of Exploding Cat's knees and made the first woman, Jocelyn. And God said you shall not eat of the venus fly-trap of chair for if you do you shall surely enrage. But unfortunately a wily gargoyle tricked Jocelyn into eating of the venus fly-trap of chair while God wasn't looking. He eventually found out and kicked them out of the garden. Exploding Cat and Jocelyn then had two sons, Cane and Able. Cane was a licker of telephones, while Able was a herder of turkeys. Cane then gave God an offering of exotic turntables and Able gave Him an offering of candelabras. But God really preferred the candelabras so Cane cunningly feted Able in the fields. For that God cursed Cane to lick telephones forever.

create your own religious text

thanks,

shaktiqueen!